Alanis

So I just realized how sentimental mood can be such a romantic and depressing song at the same time. It fills me with some crazy ass melancholy giddyness that I just have to pause and think about these days. I came home last night and had to put it on repeat. I’ve been feeling this awkward mix of emotions and I don’t know whether to smile and call my homie Tone to gabb about it or go straight home and call my Mommy, to get some good old Caribbean “suck it up…be a woman!!”. I feel off. If you saw me you would see it…I feel like it shows big time, but all I’m getting right now is “you look so good, you lost weight” Yeah I guess I did, but I still feel the same… I just cant leave the house without a belt. My hair is fucked up, I’ve finally come to that sad point in my life where I NEED to get my eyebrows done( I never used to have to) my skin is on some otherness, and though I’m loving the way Ive been playing with color, I feel extra regular…regalur the way Kat Williams said it in reference to weed, lol.

Summers over and I cant be anymore excited about that than I already am…but fall is here and winters coming right behind and that I am not ready for…except Christmas… I’m always ready for Christmas. I talked to my homie and we decided that we would need to make a few trips out of town cause MD and NY just don’t cut it. I’ve been listening to Homecoming as I walk through Forte Green and I think its gonna be Chicago. Do you think about me now and then cause I’m coming home again…Baby do you remember when Fireworks on {Cony island}… that song is funny, or not. The words… Maybe we can start again. I don’t know if we can, I’ve changed so much, and the fact that you haven’t makes you so different than who you used to be. Cross that bridge when we get to it. Right now there are bars on my window and I feel a strange kinship to you. Ironic?? Or not.

I got that creative surge again, prob because schools started, but I was up late drawing and looking at old magazine tears. My legs fell asleep and I laid down with White Boy Shuffle, starting it for the second time, and Wipe me down playing in the background. Ironic kinda… I think.

I pull up at the club VIP, gas tank on E, but all drinks on me(my fav part)…reminds me of when I leave Walt Whitman in my Marc By Marc. It was free but not many people know that… hell, no body at Walt Whitman knows that, but to the untrained eye one could consider the sight ironic.

Got to hear Paul Beatty speak(a little) and I felt compelled to revisit White Boy Shuffle. He read from Slumberland, but Im too broke to be buying hardbound….Im waiting on that paperback.

I am a woman of the people. I AM A WOMAN OF THE PEOPLE. But even this is unbarable….or ironic.