Thursday, June 29, 2006

It's Been A Long Time..... I should'na left you

Gracious, I can only say that Ive been busy during my time away but I have lots of things to report on. As usual I will present a table of contents for this blog and you may read each numbered section at your leisure so that you are not overwhelmed by one obnoxioulsy long post. ...


1. My Birthday

2. 1 Year Anniversary

3. The GAP

4. The June Birthday Party

5. Everthing Else I feel like talking about...


1. Soooooooooooooooo I turned 22 on June 12th :) Glad to be a year older, but it doesnt feel any different. I wasnt terribly excited and I didnt do anything special except get with my boo boo (Hmmmmmmm you wonder) We chilled and ate and I tried to relax and take the day off since it was my birthday after all. I guess when you get to my age thats what you do.... you relax, you buy yourself something special, you wait for your friends and the ones you love to call and sing you happy birthday on your voicemail (Thanks Julee, Julia, and Erin) and you spend time with your love interest in a romantic "I better spend the day doing every damn thing you say cause I know you'll raise cane" sort of way. I enjoyed it though cause I heard from all the people who I really love which meant so much. Now I've got another year to make grand things happen. Im looking forward to the things that 22 has in store for me. You.....you just keep the paper in hand and the tv tuned to CNN because when I blow.....the worlds gonna know. Check on it!!!

2. Sooooooooooo my blog is one year old. Shout out to all my faithful readers. Lets hope this year brings even more exciting post and interesting rants and raves. I love to talke to people and hear them reference my blog and tell me what they think of the things I say. I know Andrea thinks that I shouldnt say somethings on my blog that I think...and I think that sometimes too but you know I included a disclaimer and it still stands. Im growing and chainging as I do. Think of the things Ive written about in my blog on June 12, 2o05 and what Ive achieved/ held to/ changed my mind about since then. Im proud of my development and Im glad that I have it documented. Again as I said earlier, I'll look back when Im 25 and laugh my ass off at the mass of foolishly mispelled post that I have on the internet...maybe I'll be ashamed and take the whole thing down? For now.....Im loving it and Im proud and I stand behind all my words so FUCK YOU!!! :) In addition, Ive had the opportunity to witness the blossoming of two of the best blogs Ive seen.( It's always better when you know the person writing...that way the words have so much more meaning and you can laugh much more hearty) Both Erin and Julee have started blogs that are terribly comical, insightful, and inspiring!!! Check them out.


The Littel Black Girl That Could@ Blogspot.com-----The title alone inspires you.
"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can"
I know thats been my mantra for the last month and a half!!!
Julee's blog is ....."Dedicated to the art of living fabulously as a smart...successful...out-going...black woman in the Big Apple" Im ticking away at each of those adjectives...Ive got the smart, Ive got the black....just gotta work on the outgoing and successful. Im no hermit and neither am I on the verge of returning to the RIC to sleep on my Mommas couch, but I always hold myself to higher standards. I use "Little Black Girl" as a reference for all things progressive, and you should too whether your in NY, VA, or UT


Memoirs of Erin Richelle @Blogspot.com---Precicesly Erin, and oh so comical.....and I quote
"I knocked off the dance recital - b/c although I love Kayla and her mom (for without her my hair would not be bouncy), until I birth my own precious daughter (years from now) I shouldn't have to rearrange my schedule for anyone elses."
Thats Erin for you!!!

3. Soooooooooooooooo Im feeling very Kanye West like about the Gap right now. Now I love my job....or having a job.... you pick....but sometimes I get so pissed when I think about it. The matter is that sometimes your forced to deal with unprofessional people and that can make the work environment difficult. Other times you have to work with people whom you normally wouldnt talk to if you were deaf all your life and suddenly was granted the opportunity to speak. The differences between NY and Va Gap's are minesqual yet important. In NY I get so many hours Im closing at night and opening in the morning, and called in on my only day off for the week. In VA I prayed they heard me when I told them I had open availablity. Hoping for more than 4 hours in VA, I had to say that we were far more organized and far more friendly with each other. Of course its the south and my store was much smaller but damn NY's idea of organization is seperating the pant hangers from the top hangers. They try to make procedures rocket science and its really not. The only differences in practices is the hanger thing and the fact that everyone has a damn attitude. I dont beileve that shit though because I know attitude. Yall know...I know attitude... anyway....Ive had my share of instances where I had to get a few people straight but in the end its been all good. I planned to, but I wont blog about how obnoxious spanish people are and how they destroyed the store during the Puerto Rican Day Parade and how they come into the store and talk loud as hell in spanish, and how they speak spanish when they know other people cant speak spanish and cant understand what they are talking about and how they try to pretend they dont speak english when I try to get them to open a gap card and how they wear crazy outfits with their bra's showing and Puerto Rican Flag bandana tied to their heads and each wrist and around their ankle, and how they get attitudes when you dont get them what they want and ask you questions like are you sure when they saw you just look up the shit on the computer, or how they make you hunt down the very last of the $6.99 monstrostity of a shirt and then dont buy it because they thought it was $4.99 and its too big...when really its too small for them. No...I wont blog about any of that. Truthfully Ive had those things come from everyone at the GAP...every race....I cant figure out who its worst from...the black people who think that $6.99 is too much, or the white people who think they are too good to respond when you say hello. ( Earth to white bitch....your shopping at the GAP...I work at the GAP I think we can call it a tie) What about the people from other countries that come in and say "Hello, I would like to get 15% off by opening a GAP Card." Only my dream customer especially after having the sales lead tell you that we need to get 18 cards everyday this week. I wonder if they read the news and pay attention to the fact that interst rates are rising and that Allen Greenspan or who ever the hell decided that minimum payments wont be so low anymore. Anyway....the people from other countries know damn well that there arent any GAP's in Ethiopia, or Switzerland, or Spain or any of those places....Shit.


4. Soooooooooooooooooo the June Birthday Party was great and I had a fun time. My sister threw a party for my niece( her daughter) Efe, and my nephew Keenan, her Dad and myself. It was a lovley aray of Dora the Explorer, Agave cactus sugar substitutes, and tofu. 10 kids took over the place and alternated between the bottom floor and the middle floor. I.... I tried to find the quitest room possible and assert order whenever necessary. I went for favorite and bought my niece the Dora Big Sister door. I loved hearing her sing " Come on Vamanos...Everybody lets go(some slur of 3 year old words) I know that we can do it!!!!) Dora cupcakes, Dora toys, Dora books, and a Dora shaped cake that my sister spent 3.5 hours making and decorating to a T using those really professional piping tubes and coloring each different shade of icening necessary. I bought my nephew a Hokey Pokey Elmo but Elmo got no love. It was all about Dora...even my nephew foudn himself fighting with the other kids over who got to play with the two plastic babies that came with Dora, while Elmo spun in the corner by himself. Maybe next year. The trip was long...but I enjoyed it and I got a great set of authentic bangles from my sisters father and the Young, Fab and Broke book by Suze Orman.


5. Soooooooooooooooo the ways that men try to get to women in NY are eternally comical. One guy asked if I could keep a secret.... when I asked what the secret was he replied and the sexiest way he could muster on 34th street on a Monday evening...." You and me" I thought that was comical and innovative and commended him for his hollering tactics. I gave him the number just for being comical and explained that it would go down in a very platonic way....besides my numbers gonna change in a few days anway.

Sooooooooooooooooooo who's super excited about "The Devil Wears Prada"???? I am! Im going after work tomorrow and Im super excited. This will be the first time I go to the movies BMS and that may be for the best. I highly expect for it to be a fav of mine and I cant tell you how many times Ive relished at the joy that Brown Sugar bought to me so I know that this is gonna be one that I reflect on time and time again.

Sooooooooooooooooooo when did it become accebtable for girls for be so totally boyish. A girl at worked talked about how she wears fitted hats. I couldnt believe it. She talked about how she was getting the new Jordans that came out at midnight that night. I almost laughed at her as she reminded me of those middle school days when people would come to school late from reporting to the sneaker store at 8 am to cop their pair. She asked if I planned to get them and I responded the negative. I told her I try to avoid sneakers as much as possible and the pair I have are because theyre pink, and cute and puma's ( my fav) and sleek and perfect for rainy days when a track suite and sneakers are a must. Even at work I dont wear sneaks. Ive learned that sneakers and grown women dont go together. Tennis shoes are for tennis and Gym shoes are for the gym. There are very few exceptions. Once in a while the hip street look is desired but the farthest I think I would go is chuck taylors for that. Sorry, Im not a sneaker freak...I'll leave that to the boys and even they should strive for mostly loafers(in a perfect world) Anyway, I couldnt believe the lack of femeninity in her apparal...and this girl doesnt dress like I dyke as one would expect hearing that she wears fitted hats. As I rode the train home one night one girl departed her friends by saying...."I'll hollla, yall swalllow" Now Im no prude and I can be as free as the best of them, but I know how to hold my tongue and how to use proper decorum and language in the presence of others. From time to time Erica will have to remind me to check for childre as we spew obsenities at each other but outside of those who know me and those who are my peers I dont normally fly off the deep end. I just thought it was sad that a girl would do something like that and think her self cleaver. Try again dear!

Friday, June 09, 2006

Green Blood and Other Comical Things that are the 100% Truth!!!

1. Ok so I had to blog about this because I just witnessed a lady on the Tyra Banks Show. This lady was apparently terribly afraid of pennies....I know it sounds crazy but its 11:19 on Friday June 9, 2006 and I died laughing as I watched Tyra try and caress the pennies to show the girl that the pennies would not hurt her. It was so damn funny I just kept laughing and laughing!!!! "The pennies wont hurt you look, Im touching them so they cant hurt you!" WHAT THE HELL???? Then Tyra tells her that she has to dig to the bottom of the pennies in the aquarium to retrieve a $6000 watch. This lady begins to flick the pennies with her claw nails and after a few seconds finds the watch. "Was that so hard?" Tyra ask the girl as she gasp and looks dazed beside Tyra. LMAO...I know its wrong to laugh at these people but it's just so damn funny! In middle school when we learned about the people had the problem where they thought they were someone else or something else I couldnt contain myself then either. One lady was sick and thought that she was a candy cane and would contort her arms in as best a ciscle shape as she could. Its not funny but damn it's so damn funny!

2. I walked into the hell hole the Gap calls the break room and over heard a conversation that only belongs on Letterman or one of those shows.

"No....blood is green before it hits the air."

I couldnt believe what I was hearing... was this a real live conversation with real live people???? There was but one sole in the whole group of about 10 people who said "Um...I always thought blood was blue before it hit the air." You should have heard the uproar in response. One lady responded " No...blood is green before it hits the air....My mother told me that when I was little" What a damn shame. This bitches mother told her that blood was green before it hit the air. Maybe when you do drugs your blood is green before it hits the air but for us normal healthy earth beings....blood is blue. I couldnt let this ignorance continue so I did something I promised I would never do......I joined in on this conversation as I rounded the courner from where my locker was. " No...Blood is Blue before it interacts with Oxygen....thats why there were such things as Blue Vain Societys" "No blood is green!" they replied in unison. I setteled and writ them all of as dumb asses officially.

3. The Hills
Ive written about them already but I have to say that episode two only solidified that sentiment.
The fact that LC is only now realizing that her dear Heidi is a dumb ass is really sad. Who but a dumb ass skips her first day of classes.....she doesnt even know if she likes it or not.... Is she alergic to learning? Does she have a problem seeing the board and is too vain to wear glasses? Is she afraid of being called on in class? You know what the damn problem probably is....this bitch cant read! She's illiterate and is too afraid to admit it. Adult illitearcy is a seriouse problem and what she needs to do is pick up a simple book about Dick and Jane. See Jane shop. She is from Laguna Beach. See Dick surf. He has slept with your best friend. Some shit she can understand. The sad part is that LC didnt know her friend was a dumb ass. Far more sad than Heidis illiteracy...LC doesnt know who her real friends are. I know who all my friends are. I can identify all the dumb asses that I call friends right now.....I know who the dumb ass is, where that dumbass is, and what type of dumbass things that dumbass is probably doing. I wish Heidi the best of luck...I hope she does well at her new job but Im sure the dumb shit is gonna continue week after week.

4. Yesterday I was in Duane Reid and I was deciding if I was gonna pick up snacks there or wait and go to the actual grocer. I walked by an aisl with a boy stocking the shelves and hesitated and decided to come back to that aisl. When I reentered the aisl where the boy was he very loudly proclaimed "I knew you was gonna come on my aisl!" and gazed at me as If I had opened a trench coat to reveal a surprise just for him. I turnd from the facial tissue and said " Oh really?" in my typical smart ass Cassandra way. He asked if Ineeded any help with anything and in that very same smart ass Cassandra way I replied " Nope....There's not that much to tissue. I think I got it." He said " Is there anything else I can help you with in this aisl?" very suggestively...my response...." Nope....I only came to this aisl for the tissue!" He then chucks the trash he was holding from his stocking duties and exlaimed...."Awwww Man!!!" I apologized and picked up the cheapest box I could find since it was just snot that they would be used for and exited as soon as I could. NY men.... they slay me.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

My Name is Cassandra and I am a Liar

I lied....

I do want kids....two a boy and a girl
I do want a husband.... a fine ghetto one that will cuss me out from time to time
I should'nt have permed my hair.....I miss my curls :(
I dont like Mos Def that much....Mos Def is a great muscian but thats all....Raheem Devaughn is my new lover
I dont wanna live in NY for the rest of my life.....I want to retire in a nice suburb with wide streets and tall trees


That is all.